How to address a mother-in-law (MIL) appears to be a touchy question in both camps. While in a more traditional family a MIL might expect to be called “mom,” a younger, urban MIL is more likely to shrug off the issue. For her, identifiers and titles do not matter. She prefers to be addressed by her first name.
When my son calls me “mom”, it is music to my ears. His wife’s “mom” does not sound sincere. Maybe it will grow on me, but I’d rather hear my name. (V.T. Vermont)
I was surprised to read that one ostentatious MIL asked her DIL to address her as Dr… I say that even if Dr. Jane Doe’s academic expertise lies in the area of MIL/DIL relationships, she has to start from trenches, dig her way up, get her name in the “Who’s Who” of mothers-in-law, and then hope that her DIL awards her an honorable title. Until then, she is plain Jane.
I have a Mexican friend, who has four DILs. Her American-born DIL addresses her by her first name. The Colombian-born DIL addresses her as “mummy.” Two Mexican DILs use a traditional title Suegra (Spanish for mother-in-law). Here is another post:
I call her “mom” but then she refers to herself as Mrs. Mendoza… It gets really confusing at times but guess what, this has been happening for TEN years now. She likes it this way. (E.F.)
Maybe English language needs what French, Spanish, Russian, and some other languages have — two forms of “you”; informal and formal. In Spanish and Russian, both a mother and MIL can be addressed as “mama.” But personal pronouns make all the difference; a formal pronoun “Usted” or “Vi” is reserved for MILs, and informal pronouns “Tü” or “Ti” for mothers. These pronouns provide a palpable degree of separation, as if reminding a MIL “you are not my mom, although I call you mother.” A MIL/DIL title dispute is all about the status. Drop it ladies. Let’s be on the first name basis.
I just call my MIL by her first name. She is more like a friend than a mom anyway!
[...] Your Mother-in-law is Mean… Tootsy her. Since we cannot invent extra pronouns, we can invent nicknames. “What’s in a name?” A bit of humor can set a tone for [...]
In Russian, one is supposed to always call their mother in law by the formal “Name Patronymic” combo, not Mama (that I’ve heard of), hence the “Vi” for formal persons. Note that this is also how you talk to strangers and people you meet for the first time (I.E. Formal until the Russian says “Let’s use informal”!).